It is such bullshit that women feel guilty for telling a man “no” about anything. If I don’t want you to email me 10 times a day to check in, I shouldn’t feel guilty about that. Ugh. If a girl was doing that, the guy would be like, “This crazy bitch won’t leave me alone.” Instead I’m getting Nice Guyed with “Is it wrong for me to care about what’s going on with you?”
Snowed in, sewing and watching the Hallmark Channel. I was just meant to be a retiree.
So I called out sick yesterday, but I didn’t tell the school I go to that I wasn’t going to be coming. I might have totally screwed up things for the little girl I see right after school and take to her after school program. I feel like an asshole.
I’m angry and passive-aggressive at my job but I shouldn’t be doing things that are messing up my clients.
I’ve been actively applying for jobs for about 6 weeks now and had only heard back from one. Today within an hour and a half I got:
An email saying a position had been filled
An email saying that email had been sent in error
An email saying I met the minimum qualifications for a position and my resume is moving on for review.
An email rejecting me from a job I was under qualified for but had hopes about.
30 minutes after that, I got a text message from Recent Ex, who although we email each other short emails every couple weeks to keep each other on the line, I haven’t had a text from him in probably 4 months.
What’s with today, today.
I have been having an immense amount of deja vu recently, at least one a day. It’s so weird. I get deja vu pretty frequently and I kind of believe it’s things I dreamed about. But I don’t usually have a strong deja vu feeling every day.
Someone once told me that deja vu means you’re where you’re supposed to be, which is a nice thought.
I DVRed “Finding John Christmas” because it has Peter Falk as a secret angel and angels living among people is my #1 favorite Christmas movie trope. I start the movie and 2 seconds in I shout “Goddammit, this is ‘The Christmas Box’!”
I watch too many Christmas movies.
So in the middle of the day my contact tore in half. Because I would be getting home after dark, I decided to go home between clients to put in a new contact so I didn’t have to drive with only one in after dark.
It takes about 20 minutes to get home, but it was a little longer getting back because of holiday traffic.
I came back because I have two more clients scheduled this evening. The fact that I had to drive an extra 40 minutes will guarantee that neither of my clients show up. I can tell already.
I hate my job. When I interviewed and the director said you get a pay cut if you don’t meet billable hours, I was stressed but he said they have an 8% no-show rate. This is almost unheard of and at my last job it was closer to 50%. So in the interview I said that if it were like my old job then that wouldn’t work for me. ”We make reminder calls!” he said.
I had 6 sessions scheduled today. I’m assuming the one that is presently 15 minutes late isn’t coming, so if my last one comes (which I doubt) that will be a 50% cancellation rate for the day, which is about typical since I’ve been here. If it seems too good to be true….
Oh good. Thanks Recent Ex (not so recent anymore, I need to think of a better name for him) for emailing me today. What I needed in the middle of my depression was a reminder that I am still in love with you for some completely unfathomable reason.